Toastmasters Speech #1: The Icebreaker

Good evening Toastmasters and guests.

What has brought me to toastmasters is a quest to bring a very private self to integration with an emerging public self. This is a journey not unique to me, as many of you can likely relate, but one worthy of deep exploration. Today, I’d like to give you context to my presence in this group by telling you about my family and husband that has shaped my personal self and then my graduate program and initiation to a vocation that is forcing me to develop a new public self.

I was profoundly shaped by being #3 of 6 children –fraught with middle-child dynamics (peace-maker, harmonizer, “doormat” in the middle of dominant personalities). I was described as a child as very quiet, watchful and taking everything in. Having so many voices, the accepted role for me was one of invisibility - blending into the background and not stretching my own voice.

The river of life was going by under my watchful eye, but I was not a part of its current.

My husband and I met in college in California and I continued in this posture. He is very extroverted, passionate and gifted. I imagined myself as even heroic at times…”the woman behind the man”. Truly though, that was a place of safety and one of hiding. It allowed me to remain invisible, as I was accustomed.

In my graduate program, this way of being began to be called into question. It was a business program, but focused on how individuals develop within organizational culture and how organizations as a whole develop and change. I started to become more aware that I was functioning in my work in the same voiceless manner – feeling powerless/victim to the organizational culture and therefore unable to truly contribute. I sat at departmental meetings – I was assistant director of a department in higher ed – and I would try out my voice, but I hadn’t really jumped in with both feet.

Because I was in this program though, I was approached by my brother-in-law to consult with him regarding some of the challenges he was facing in his company – a small family-owned manufacturing plant. This was a turning point. I did something that I wouldn’t normally do – I voiced a need for help. I created an Independent Study proposal and asked one of my professors that I knew had extensive experience in consulting if he would be willing to basically consult with me as I was consulting with my brother-in-law. In dialogue with my professor, I began to find my voice and also recognize that my ability to help my brother-in-law and his company move forward depended on it. I needed to reconstruct, as one of my favorite authors (David Whyte) says, “where the self meets the world”.

I had chosen to jump into this river of life, but hung on to branches at the outskirt, praying not to be swept downstream. Through the support of my professor, I began to make my way to standing.

I asked that professor to continue meeting with me in a mentoring relationship after our independent study. A year ago I signed on with his consulting company. I moved to Boston from California and am starting the east coast contingent of his company.

I have chosen and continue to choose not to be victim to the current, but to be part of life’s swift pace in a way uniquely mine.

Now I am committed to helping other individuals and organizations do the same – in my role as a consultant. I anticipate that joining Toastmasters will be a powerful vehicle to bring to expression and to refine this emerging self!

Speech given July 9, 2008 at the BostonSpeechParty chapter of Toastmasters International; Boston, MA

On The Train to Somewhere

I was riding the T today and witnessed a few teenagers approach a woman who looked to be in her late twenties.  They asked, “Is this the train to Park Street?”  Like many in Boston, they were trying to find their way around the city.

“Is this going Inbound or Outbound?”  What a good question.

I watched the woman kindly respond that she was pretty sure they needed to go to the other side of the station and go Inbound.  She led the way up the stairs and over to the other side…they eagerly followed.

I had a contemplative moment as I realized that it still surprised me when others were willing to go to great lengths to help perfect strangers get to their destination.  Perhaps they came in touch with the feeling they once experienced - the feeling of being unsure.  Feeling lost.  Not sure if they’re headed Inbound or Outbound.  Wondering if, like the train system, it’s all relative to one central point…but you don’t know what that is.

When the woman came back and sat down next to me, I told her it was really kind of her to go to all that effort.  She repeated that she wasn’t totally sure, but she thought that was the way.  I was still glowing in the amazement that she was so nice.  At the same time I realized I was confused.  Why would she go all that way if she wasn’t sure.  Why didn’t she ask someone else.  Why did the girls follow readily?  I wondered why I didn’t volunteer to tell her that she was in fact correct - I knew for sure.

It struck me that there was something of how we do life in this story… even when we have a clear destination (which finding that is a whole other story!), we ask others if we are on the right “track”.  Those we ask may not know for sure, but oftentimes are willing to lead us as far as they are aware.  Others will sit by and see our struggle, but not chime in.  Today that was me.  Tomorrow, I may be the one wondering if I’m headed inbound or outbound in this life.

Something to Say

I have something to say…I just don’t know how to say it.  As life is happening, there is the me that is experiencing and the me that is commenting on the experience and trying to make sense of it and learn from it.  Some people can put those together and write about what they’ve learned - truly interactive with the real human drama. This has been my struggle and one that I admittedly have avoided these last months. It requires access to an authentic voice it seems few writers obtain. Those that do are recorded in history as the greats. They draw the reader into their story in a way that is undeniable. The reader leaves sensing that they have truly experienced a different reality that challenges their own.

Perhaps what I am describing is not so uncommon.  The struggle to relay the way we make sense of the world is one that I have been told only happens with:

1. Practice articulating yourself
2. Reading/experiencing the stories of others

There are other ways as well…please do add to the list. I’m going to go ahead and find a bit of courage to re-enter the struggle yet again after previous opportunities STILL don’t seem congruent.  See you next “practice”.

A Question of Questions

I am working on a project right now in which many questions arise, curiosities that easily turn to frustrations.  My tendency is to ask those questions of myself and look in the literature…anything but to engage PEOPLE that might be most helpful.   Then, as my curiosity goes unanswered or lacks direction, my ability and desire to continue engaging my questions diminishes. 

What role does curiosity or questions play in getting things done?  Many have touted the importance of cultivating curiosity that keeps things interesting, creative and challenging.  Where do questions get directed to be useful in encouraging forward movement?

Rainer Maria Rilke, famous 20th century poet, says “try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Live the questions now.”

I have more questions than responses these days, that is for sure.  I am trying to live the questions and ask them of you as well.  I look forward to your thoughts. 

The “I” in Vision

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”     John A. Shedd (19th century American author and professor)

I often wonder why the future tends to be something so elusive.  Mostly, I wonder why many visions for the future are left without a sense of the one it is meant to embody.   Dreams often remain as glimpses or vague inklings, but not given enough space to build a life upon.   I am profoundly surprised by the lack of integration between who we are and what we hope for in the future.  We expend some energy determining a noble trajectory for our journey at sea.  Neglected are the intricate contours of our ship, capacity of our sails and wind needed to set (and keep) us on course.  And so we can remain limited.

This is not a plug for increased individualism.  Living authentically, with a pulse on the reality of who we are and that which we were meant, can actually be an antidote to pure individualism.   It requires relating deeply and intentionally to people and situations outside ourselves.  In reading David Whyte (present day poet, author and organizational consultant), he suggests the use of one’s work as one of the many avenues to discover the self and how that uniqueness will contribute to the world.  He says, “It is essential then to know what is vital and alive in us and shape our lives around this image.” (Heart Aroused: Poetry and Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America. P. 114)

My mentor continually reminds me that the extent to which one has a clear vision (emerging from who “I” truly am) and treats it as fact is the extent to which it will become the lived reality.  This process is a lifelong endeavor, but one worthy of embarking.  What could be more pressing? 

When In Doubt, Start A Blog!

Blogging might be considered passé at some point, but right now this is a medium that is still emerging.  I am intuitive enough to see the value that could come from the simple exchange of ideas via the web, but I have been dragging my feet for one major reason:  It’s just downright scary to start something new. 

Whether just thinking about changing jobs or moving to a new city or STARTING A BLOG, there is a challenge that comes with stepping out and doing something you have not done before.  I am finding that entering new territory is fraught with defining moments. 

For example, to start this blog, I first researched blogs (how to blog, the value, drawbacks, etc.), then blog engines to see which delivery system was the best for my purpose.  I had to define my purpose.  I created a profile, defining who I am.  I chose a title, looking to connect with a certain type of person.  I then had to choose a topic for my first blog.  That is a lot of pressure! 

Business Week did an article a while back on blogs, trying to help businesses understand the necessity of blogging to keep up with current trends for marketing.  What struck me was at the very end.  It described the very arduous process they normally go through to generate a “normal” story.  Idea, research, interview, create, edit, edit, edit, edit, and finally publish. I was acting like I had to do this with my blog and it was taking FOREVER to get everything in place to my satisfaction!   

Then the realization came…a blog is not a finished product.  It is simply a conversation piece…a thought in process…a limited experience.  I realized that it is like any of the other aspects I worked to define.  They are a work in progress, a place to start and allow things to continue unfolding.

Many have embraced this medium as a way to become more informed about the vast array of knowledge available and connect with those who have similar interests in a particular area.   While my initial inclination is to do the opposite by not engaging until I am “ready”, there is a risk that has to be taken at the onset, believing that simply ENGAGING is the way to move forward, even when things are not fully formulated.  This seems to be the way of survival in today’s world.

So…I risk looking a little foolish by just starting SOMEWHERE, rather than not starting at all and losing a great opportunity. It seems I have learned something already.  When in doubt, just START…a blog! J

As you may have gathered, this blog is the first of many meant to simply stimulate discussion and learning around topics that affect the workforce today, starting with starting new things.  I look forward to your feedback and your great wisdom!

Let the conversation begin…